The following resume is based on an actual real person.
Some facts have been enhanced, exaggerated, sanitized and "Texanized".
(By the way, this may be the closest to a totally honest
resume you receive this month, or maybe even, year.)
JERRY HUTCHENS
Home (972) 392-1132
Work (972) 241-7533
FAX (972) 241-4544
e-mail: hutch1@flash.net
5200 Meadowcreek Drive #1035
Dallas, TX 75248
Professional Objective
To find a company where I can make an egregious amount of money in a short time in inside or
outside sales for about 5 years or so with lots of time off for golf and
travel, and hopefully not screw the company completely up before I can retire.
Work Experience
11/91 - Present - Cost Plus Data Products - Dallas, TX - Owner
- Pretty well rode this horse to death: Started company ’91, lasted until now. Industry now sucks, time to move on!
- Owe everybody in the damned world boatloads of money, will have to declare bankruptcy just to get back to zero
- Pretty well pissed everybody off; suppliers, customers, employee, and myself
- Have become very good at Freecell, other selected simple computer games
- Hopefully can learn from mistakes, get a few bucks together before mandatory retirement @ 70.
- Matured quite a lot (Actually, got very old: In business 10 years, learned one year, repeated for the next nine.)
5/91 - 11/91 - Self Employed (Another way of saying looking for job, ain’t findin’ nothin’)
- Walked/Ran a lot, trying to work off frustrations of unsuccessful job hunting
- Took advice from "friend", who told me I needed to start my own company, that no one would ever hire
someone as old and as ugly as I
2/88 - 5/91 - Applied Creative Technology - Dallas, TX - Sales Representative
- Learned to cope with about the most obnoxious bunch of bozos that ever co-existed under one roof. Learned how
to completely shut out the outside world during sales meetings, where everyone talked as loud as they possibly could,
all at the same time, and with constant interruptions
- Since sales performance was determined strictly by the amount of time spent on the telephone, learned very
quickly to call weather report stations, dial-a-prayer, etc. and stay on that line for up to 3 hours at a
time. (On some days, actually contacted customer or strong potential customer, and learned lots about them and about their
business: Quit doing that though, since it resulted in increases in sales, and, thus, more work for me.)
- Learned how to cope with person in next cubicle who was extremely verbose, loud, and could say less
with more words than any person I’ve ever encountered.
11/87 - 2/88 (See 5/91 - 11/91)
1/80 - 11/87
Forty Eleven different sales jobs: After leaving IBM, decided I wanted to be in sales, but took quite awhile
figuring out what the heck I was doing.
Approximate Date of Birth of Christ - 1/80 - IBM Corporation - Administrative Analyst
- Long, somewhat successful career with "Industry’s Biggest Mistake"
- Actually quit, and then was rehired: Believe it or not, Mother Blue doesn’t do that unless performance
has completely faked them out
- Worked in Field Engineering Division primarily, mostly waited around for my boss to call, so I could get his name
- Was assigned 100 "Atta Boys" at start of each month by my manager. Those that I didn’t lose during month, got to keep.
- Got several different awards, including "IBM Means Service", Regional Stud of Year, etc.
(See, told you I had them faked out!)